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Published on:

27th Mar 2023

Ep 271 - Make a Scene by Mimi Grace

KIMBERLY LEMMING IS BAAAACK!!!!!!! Let us rejoice! And she brought a fabulous contemporary novel that involved a bakery, a boxing gym, an ex's wedding, a divorce party, a cake eating contest, a parrot in a shirt, and more nouns that feel like they maybe shouldn't go together but actually did. BEAUTIFULLY, in fact. Mimi Grace did it with Make a Scene. Oh, also dirty talk! Truly a marvel.

Bonus content: Fat Bottomed Girls by Queen, Sir Duncan: Knight of our Hearts, Clown Jail, cheek licking, nodules (or nobules??), and so much more!

Make sure to follow Kim on socials (especially the tiktok!) because book 3 in her Mead mishaps series is IMMINENT and you don't want to miss it!

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Transcript
Mel:

Hey everyone.

Mel:

You are listening to Heaving Bosoms, the podcast where great friends recap

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butts firmly because parts four and five of a Court of Silver Flames are

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coming out in the next couple of weeks.

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And the perfect and hilarious Naima Simone and I will be doing

Mel:

two episodes on season four.

Mel:

Of Love Is Blind.

Mel:

I didn't know there was a season four either, but the first half just came out.

Mel:

Ah, so there's big things, big plans, and I'm super stoked.

Mel:

Today we've got one of my favorite people, Kimberly Lemming, back

Mel:

on the pod to recap a fantastic contemporary romance by Mimi Grace.

Mel:

How did we fit Jokes about parrots in shirts.

Mel:

In a recap of Make a Scene by Mimi Grace, stay tuned to find out.

Mel:

Surprisingly, Mimi did a lot of the heavy lifting for us.

Mel:

Here we go.

Mel:

Oh, hey.

Kim:

oh, hey,

Mel:

Kimmings back.

Kim:

I'm here.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

It's time.

Kim:

couldn't get me away.

Kim:

If you tried,

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

I missed you.

Mel:

How

Mel:

are

Kim:

you too.

Kim:

I have been fantastic, actually.

Kim:

And I have a new bar scene that I go to with my fam, because I'm a weirdo who

Kim:

hangs out with her sisters and cousins,

Mel:

that's not weird.

Mel:

That's great.

Mel:

If mine were closer, I would, I would force them.

Kim:

well, every Friday we go to this bar for karaoke night,

Kim:

and this one dude gets up there and it's just like this skinny dude.

Kim:

You think, oh, he's probably gonna sing a rock song.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

No,

Kim:

just sing a rock

Mel:

he sings Katie Perry

Kim:

Oh no.

Kim:

I wish that would've been hilarious.

Kim:

But this guy drops to his knees and starts growling out the most intense

Kim:

death metal rock I've ever heard.

Kim:

And I'm just like, good God.

Kim:

Where are we?

Kim:

Are we at a concert?

Kim:

What is this?

Kim:

Yes,

Mel:

That's amazing.

Mel:

He does like the full on growl.

Kim:

full on This man roared into the mic and I like almost dropped my beer.

Kim:

Like, what the fuck is that?

Mel:

I love it.

Mel:

Did you get a chance to talk to him afterwards, or was it one of those

Mel:

things where you were like, you're entertaining from 18 feet away?

Kim:

Oh, I just left him beer because after that he was like,

Kim:

jump around with his friends.

Kim:

I'm like, he's got this.

Kim:

I'm not

Mel:

Oh, that's cute.

Mel:

Oh my gosh.

Mel:

Do you sing?

Kim:

God no.

Kim:

I mean, I will get up there and sing karaoke.

Kim:

Is it good?

Kim:

Absolutely not.

Mel:

Do you have a go-to song?

Kim:

Uh, yeah.

Kim:

Fat Bottom Girls by Queen.

Kim:

I don't know what it is.

Kim:

It's just, it, it gets you pumped for the night.

Mel:

Yes.

Mel:

That's actually one of my go-to songs too.

Kim:

Really?

Mel:

Yeah, that and, um, . I feel like a woman

Mel:

That one's hilarious to do in public

Kim:

It's hilarious.

Kim:

Isn't my cousin Ari constantly sings, uh, Dolly Parton and she can actually

Mel:

Oh

Kim:

like, oh, it's amazing.

Mel:

Nice.

Mel:

Oh man.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

That's fantastic.

Mel:

Oh man.

Mel:

Fat Bottom Girls.

Mel:

Someday we have to do Fat Bottom Girls together.

Kim:

A hundred percent.

Mel:

Yeah maybe the universe would implode, you know, because of

Mel:

the goodness that was happening.

Mel:

It might happen.

Mel:

I don't know.

Mel:

It's dangerous, but I think we should try it.

Kim:

it might destroy the world.

Kim:

It might end world hunger.

Kim:

We don't know

Mel:

Oh, it's true, it's true.

Mel:

And we can do that for everyone else, you know?

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

What's been going on with you?

Mel:

What's been going on with me?

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

Uh, um, I've been getting ready for St.

Mel:

Vincent's Day.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

St.

Mel:

Vincent's Day is nearly upon us, and I am very excited about it.

Mel:

So yeah, I'm doing a special episode where, uh, listeners can send in

Mel:

audio clips of themselves and be on the podcast talking about St.

Mel:

Vincent or whatever.

Mel:

I just got a really cute one about, how, one lady was getting

Mel:

a tattoo and she was trying to imagine, , the comfort thing that St.

Mel:

Vincent would give her while she was doing the tattoo.

Mel:

Oh, it's great stuff.

Mel:

So anyway, yeah, I'm pumped about that, getting submissions and it's super fun.

Mel:

And then, , getting ready for a polycon too.

Mel:

Are you going to a polycon?

Kim:

I have not.

Mel:

Damn it.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mel:

I'm going this year.

Mel:

So stoked about that.

Mel:

And then getting ready for the Kickstarter to launch.

Mel:

So all the shit's happening all at once as usual.

Mel:

And then in April I have my birthday in Ember's birthday, and then Michael's

Mel:

birthday is the first week of May.

Mel:

So really like everything happens right in spring basically

Mel:

for our family.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mel:

Um, Ember and I are the fire signs in the house and we often have emotional

Mel:

fire sign dues, you know, and, and Valor and Michael are usually the

Mel:

ones who are like side eyeing us being like, God, chill out a little bit.

Kim:

Oh, which one is Virgo?

Kim:

Is that like a fire air?

Mel:

Ooh.

Mel:

I don't remember.

Mel:

I thought it was air.

Mel:

Let me look.

Mel:

Are you a Virgo?

Kim:

No, I am a Libra, but I was trying to figure out what Virgo was

Kim:

because both my sisters are Tauruses.

Kim:

My mom is a Virgo, so I'm like, am I just the only air sign in

Kim:

a house full of Earth signs?

Kim:

But is this nonsense?

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Kim:

ignored all of them all the time,

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Fire signs are Aries, Leo, and Sagittarius.

Mel:

aero signs are Gemini, Libra, and Aquarius.

Mel:

Yep.

Mel:

And then, sorry, I'm scrolling.

Mel:

Earth Signs are , Taurus, Virgo, and Capricorn.

Mel:

And then water signs are cancer, Scorpio and Pisces.

Kim:

So I was just trapped to all the earth signs.

Mel:

You were, you were, yeah.

Mel:

Yeah, you were.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

So you chose the book this time.

Kim:

I did.

Kim:

I did

Mel:

It's super cute.

Kim:

it was super cute.

Kim:

So we read Make a Scene by Mimi Grace, because I love her.

Kim:

She's my go-to when I want a contemporary and I loved it.

Kim:

What did

Mel:

huh.

Mel:

. I loved it.

Mel:

It was so cute.

Mel:

It was a delight from start to finish.

Mel:

I feel like it had a really good balance of like very gr like both of

Mel:

the main characters were very grounded and yet it still managed to have

Mel:

conflict that I completely believed.

Mel:

And, you know, just a smattering of dirty talk that did not go amiss.

Kim:

No, it did not.

Mel:

oh, Kim It's a little bit of the dirty talks that, you know,

Mel:

might have, might have done some things for some people who knows.

Mel:

Really?

Kim:

Well, I do love a good dirty talking man.

Kim:

And Duncan did not disappoint for one second of this book.

Kim:

Did he disappoint us?

Mel:

Even a second.

Mel:

He did a private dirty talk.

Mel:

He did some public dirty talks.

Mel:

Like it was great.

Mel:

That's all I say.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And I also really liked that she sort of set up a heroin who you would think is

Mel:

like kind of meek and, you know, a little bit downtrodden and that kind of thing.

Mel:

And yet I loved that Reta was so just like bold and I'm gonna tell you what I need

Mel:

and you know, like, I'm gonna take the chance and take my swing and if it doesn't

Mel:

work out, I'll lick my wounds in private.

Mel:

Sure.

Mel:

But I don't know, I just felt like, you know, with all the, like the,

Mel:

glasses pushing and, you know, the way that she interacted with people,

Mel:

I feel like Mimi Grace could have leaned into being, you know, sort of

Mel:

like the wallflower kind of heroin.

Mel:

And she didn't, and it was really nice.

Kim:

It was

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Should we tell the people about the book

Kim:

yes.

Kim:

At some point at this podcast,

Kim:

yes.

Mel:

point?

Mel:

Yeah, at some point where you should prs get to it.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

So we've got Retta, and Retta is at a family party That fucking blows.

Kim:

It does.

Kim:

Her family sucks.

Kim:

I'm sorry, Reta.

Kim:

They do

Mel:

Retta.

Mel:

Breta girl.

Mel:

Like, you can, you can just cut some ties, you know, like if you need to . Ooh,

Kim:

It's okay to go.

Kim:

No contact.

Kim:

Red up

Mel:

for sure.

Mel:

Yeah, because she, I don't remember it was years right?

Mel:

That she dated Chris.

Mel:

It was like two years minimum.

Mel:

I feel like maybe five.

Kim:

It might have been five.

Mel:

it was a, it was a metric fuck ton of time in human years.

Kim:

listen, listener, it was enough times that he shouldn't have just run off

Kim:

with her fucking cousin is all I'm gonna

Mel:

Oh, that is the crux of the issue.

Mel:

Listener.

Mel:

Uh, Kim has nailed it right on the head.

Mel:

She's at this party where she's already had to deal with this fucker

Mel:

dumping her and then finding out one month later via social media

Mel:

that he is dating her cousin now.

Mel:

So she has already had to deal with that.

Mel:

Already been like, I'm just gonna take the high road.

Mel:

She said to everyone, I'm gonna seem unbothered, it's gonna be fine.

Mel:

And then she's at this party just like trying to have some punch

Mel:

and they announce that they're getting married in two months.

Kim:

In two months.

Kim:

So soon.

Mel:

Wow.

Mel:

And like nobody, here's the thing, right.

Mel:

, a lot of her family is like, oh, like are you?

Mel:

Okay?

Mel:

But it's sort of in a pitying way

Mel:

in

Kim:

definitely fishing for info to use against her later.

Mel:

That's fair.

Mel:

Ooh.

Mel:

I didn't think about it being that nefarious, but I, I will go with you

Kim:

Well, I just, I think about the way that she talked about her

Kim:

family and how she basically knew they were only there half the time

Kim:

to like, see how she's doing and like

Kim:

gripe on that.

Kim:

Like they're always pointing on how she's signal, how she's doing this and that.

Kim:

And just like they, they seem like the type of people that loves the

Kim:

drama and I'm just like, girl run.

Mel:

They do.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Yeah, they do.

Mel:

That's not support

Kim:

No.

Mel:

and well, the reason that I completely agree with you there,

Mel:

Is that in addition to only being there sometimes with her, they're

Mel:

always saying, Retta, are you okay?

Mel:

You are the problem here.

Mel:

Instead of being like, Irene, you're a fucking mess.

Mel:

And stop being so, stop being so out.

Mel:

Like be conscientious a tiny bit.

Mel:

I can't even make words about

Kim:

also don't get married to a man after two months.

Mel:

I mean there is that.

Mel:

Yeah, they are They are going real soon on that front.

Mel:

I was wondering if she was setting up like the book after the next book

Mel:

maybe.

Kim:

be.

Kim:

I just hope they weren't cheating because if so, I will not read that book

Mel:

that would be rough.

Mel:

That would

Kim:

delving really hard, like the first five pages of this book,

Mel:

I mean, but it's, it sets up everything else basically.

Kim:

It really does.

Mel:

Well, so she's a bakery owner.

Mel:

She's been a small business owner for a little while, and her bakery

Mel:

fucking rules and she's really talented and she's got a great staff.

Mel:

And so professionally she's doing wonderfully.

Mel:

But there are two issues in her life right now.

Mel:

One, she has to find a date for the engagement party and the

Mel:

wedding, because I do like her.

Mel:

She's sort of like, I'm gonna throw up a big middle finger

Mel:

and show everybody I'm fine.

Mel:

Like, come hell or high water, go fuck yourselves.

Kim:

fuck yourself.

Mel:

really like that energy.

Mel:

that energy outta her.

Kim:

I respect it.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

The other problem is that these new assholes next door keep on

Mel:

taking all their parking spaces.

Kim:

And by new asshole, we should point out it's just the gym that just

Kim:

opened up and they never agreed to the parking situation where they all get

Kim:

shafted with the shittiest parking spots.

Mel:

They didn't.

Kim:

So then all the people from the bakery is just like, we need

Kim:

to get them to knock that shit off cuz those are our parking spots.

Kim:

So then she goes to confront the sexiest man alive.

Mel:

Honestly.

Mel:

Honestly,

Kim:

is, looking good head to toe.

Kim:

He is.

Kim:

Got all the muscles because he does own a gym.

Kim:

So why wouldn't he?

Mel:

he's Mr.

Mel:

Boxer man.

Kim:

Mr.

Kim:

Boxer.

Kim:

Man,

Kim:

God, boxes are hot.

Kim:

Where was my thought?

Kim:

Getting back on track.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Kim:

by muscles now.

Kim:

Anyway, she,

Mel:

Relatable content.

Kim:

to Duncan, the leader of the leader.

Kim:

The

Kim:

owner.

Mel:

leader.

Kim:

the fearlessly,

Mel:

follow you into Battle Duncan, sir Duncan

Kim:

the owner of the gym.

Kim:

This is not medieval times

Mel:

I'm so no for the rest of this thing, I'm only gonna see him in a suit of armor.

Mel:

He is Sir Duncan now

Mel:

, Kim: He's fighting the skirt.

Mel:

Yes.

Kim:

And she's like, yo, bro, you're taking our parking spots.

Kim:

You have to park over here.

Kim:

And he is like, oh, all of the shitty parking spots that none of you wanted

Kim:

because we got here last, how about no

Mel:

He's like, where in our lease agreement does it say that?

Mel:

And she's like, well, it's kinda an unwritten rule that apparently

Mel:

I was a doormat and just abided by

Kim:

So of course, naturally, he's like, I'm not just gonna give my

Kim:

team all this shitty parking spot.

Kim:

That's not fair to the rest of us.

Kim:

And so she's just like, well, that really grinds my gears, but here's a new plan

Kim:

because I do have this other problem.

Kim:

What if you just be my fake boyfriend for a weekend and I

Kim:

will give you my parking spot?

Kim:

And he's like two, two parking spots.

Kim:

And he's like, and she goes, you're outta your mind.

Kim:

You can have one parking spot.

Kim:

We'll alternate the other ones, and I will throw in these

Kim:

blueberry scones that you seem to

Kim:

like.

Mel:

blueberry scone recipe.

Kim:

Yeah.

Kim:

And he was munching on them.

Kim:

Scones, y'all.

Kim:

He was all about it.

Kim:

And he's like, no, I want the recipe.

Kim:

And she's like, fuck you.

Kim:

No.

Kim:

And he's like, then no deal.

Kim:

And she's like, God damn it.

Kim:

Fine

Mel:

Fine.

Kim:

Fake

Mel:

mean,

Kim:

recipe.

Mel:

and that's, that seems like an okay negotiation, you know, like

Mel:

I think it worked out pretty well.

Mel:

It does, it does shaft her pretty hard because she seems like the type

Mel:

of boss who would be like, I made the deal, so I'm gonna bite the bullet.

Mel:

Y'all get the other two parking spots when we have two, and

Mel:

I will figure the rest out.

Mel:

So, yeah.

Mel:

So she, okay.

Mel:

the other things though, that happened right before this is that she's been

Mel:

like fake dating, um, or not fake dating.

Mel:

She's been what you call, um, like online dating.

Mel:

And so,

Mel:

well, no, it doesn't matter.

Mel:

So for romance reasons, she shows up to what's supposed to be an online date and

Mel:

she, um, or a blind date now, and he's like supposed to be wearing a red jacket

Mel:

and holding like a specific magazine.

Mel:

And lo and behold, there is Duncan, this like six foot three

Mel:

dark-skinned, muscular, beautiful man.

Mel:

And she's like, oh, I didn't know that my friend was setting me up with this type of

Kim:

that's a good ass friend.

Mel:

that's a hot man . Like, that's, wow.

Mel:

So she just sits down at the table and starts jabbering at him.

Mel:

And then she's like, so Steve, what do you do?

Mel:

And he's like, I am not Steve.

Mel:

So sorry for that.

Mel:

And then she looks around the thing and like there's, there's just a regular

Mel:

dude who's also wearing a red jacket.

Kim:

less hot.

Kim:

It's very disappointing.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

He's a nice dude though.

Mel:

You know,

Kim:

Nothing wrong with them.

Kim:

It is just wasn't nearly as hot

Mel:

I mean,

Kim:

the boxer man.

Mel:

when you go from Sir Duncan there, it's a, it is a mighty fall.

Mel:

You know, that precipice is steep

Mel:

so like they have a fine date and she's like, I would see him again.

Mel:

But then he ghosts her.

Mel:

She texts him a couple of times and he ghosts her.

Mel:

So then when Duncan comes in to be like, we'll talk parking space now, she comes up

Mel:

with this thing on the fly and I loved it.

Mel:

Mimi Grace is so funny because the moment it comes to her is when she like turns

Mel:

away and then looks back at Duncan and like, a cloud behind him has moved and

Mel:

he's like, haloed in light and she's

Mel:

like, oh, like is this, is this the answer

Mel:

And then she does that hard business leading negotiation.

Kim:

She.

Mel:

Yeah, it's fantastic.

Mel:

So he goes for it, it's gonna happen.

Mel:

And they decide that they have to go on, you know, they have to spend some actual

Mel:

time together to make it believable.

Kim:

because you know reasons, they just wanna have a trial date because these

Kim:

two idiots, they are so intent on just fake dating, but they also wanna fuck

Kim:

each other's brains out like nobody's

Mel:

I mean,

Kim:

cuz it's a dual p o v book and the entire time there's someone just in the

Kim:

room, they are just desperately trying not to rip each other's clothes off.

Kim:

And it's honestly embarrassing for the both of them.

Mel:

it's embarrassing, but like only in their head parts.

Mel:

And that's nice, you know.

Kim:

didn't

Mel:

it

Kim:

run into a wall at some point?

Kim:

Because he was staring at her tits?

Kim:

I don't, he did something.

Mel:

There was something like that and I can't remember

Mel:

what it was, but you're right.

Mel:

No, you're right.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And it was cute because like such a hot man,

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

I love it when they're awkward and and clumsy about it.

Mel:

You know?

Mel:

It just, ugh.

Mel:

It's cute on like a regular person as well, but on a hot person,

Mel:

I don't know.

Mel:

There's something about it just like, cuz it takes him down a peg

Mel:

and makes 'em seem more attainable.

Mel:

. I think that might be it.

Mel:

I think I nailed it just now.

Mel:

you are human.

Mel:

I say to myself, I say, um, okay, so this is actually now like the second

Mel:

fake dating book that I've read.

Mel:

Last week I recapped, boyfriend material with Blair and her friend Brian.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And what I don't remember in any other fake dating book.

Mel:

. I don't, I mean, I might be just like, you know, Swiss cheese memory things, but

Mel:

I really like the idea in both of these books, they were like, we have to go on

Mel:

fake dates to like either learn about each other or, you know, make it so it looks

Mel:

real even when nobody else is looking.

Mel:

That kind of thing.

Mel:

And I don't know, I think it, I think it amps up the trope a little bit more.

Mel:

I, I don't know, there's something about it that makes it like extra.

Kim:

I mean, I enjoy it.

Mel:

yeah.

Mel:

Cuz I, I feel like in all the other fake dating books I've read, it's

Mel:

been like, they start getting close at the event and then another event will

Mel:

happen and so they have to like keep it going or whatever, you know, but

Mel:

I really like this, that they're just like going on a date so that they can

Mel:

make it believable for everyone else.

Kim:

which honestly makes more sense because if you just show up at an

Kim:

event with a rando, people are around, you're gonna know you're with a rando.

Kim:

You don't know how to act around

Mel:

Absolutely.

Mel:

Absolutely.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So she chooses a really creepy bowling alley, like a rundown creep tastic bowling

Mel:

alley that I thought was really funny.

Mel:

especially since it seemed like her strategy was just gonna be

Mel:

asking him all the questions.

Kim:

That cracked me up because she is just like rapid fire, asking him

Kim:

question like, what's your shoe shots?

Kim:

Where did you go to school?

Kim:

Da da da da da da.

Kim:

So finally he just like pauses her and he is like, do you wanna like

Kim:

bowl, spend some time together?

Kim:

Or you just wanna keep asking me really creepy, intrusive

Kim:

questions.

Kim:

This is just like, I guess we could bowl

Mel:

It's just like, oh yeah, I guess this would be more appropriate

Mel:

for something like a coffee date.

Mel:

And we could probably also do this via email ha So she spends the first half of

Mel:

their game kicking his ass at bowling,

Kim:

just rubbing his nose in it too.

Mel:

and like unexpectedly, she even surprised herself.

Mel:

And yet she was still like, I'm throwing down right now and you

Mel:

should be ashamed of yourself.

Kim:

and he was, until he started coming back.

Kim:

Until he is like, oh, what was that about?

Kim:

Me being ashamed to strike after strike.

Kim:

Cause they're like, you know what?

Kim:

Shut up.

Kim:

You talk a lot.

Mel:

It's so true.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So then they, but then, because the bowling alley is creepy and

Mel:

rundown, something mysterious breaks and they get kicked out.

Kim:

They do.

Mel:

So she's like, I guess I will email you questions and you can reply.

Mel:

And he's like, yeah, yeah,

Kim:

hold up.

Kim:

Hold up at some, this is, this is the point where they get the bear.

Kim:

Right.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

The next thing.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mel:

So they're like gonna say goodbye and they're both in their cars and then he.

Mel:

Oh, there's just something in my body that I can't, I can't put my finger on,

Mel:

but I feel like this date shouldn't end and I'm just gonna not think about it.

Mel:

And it's fine.

Mel:

It's right,

Kim:

It was just so intent on getting in those panties.

Mel:

it's

Mel:

called that

Mel:

mouth though is, you know, so he gets out and he like knocks on her

Mel:

window and he's like, I'm hungry is all, and there's a fair over there.

Mel:

And I was wondering if maybe you wanted to eat funnel cake or

Mel:

something, . And she's like, yeah, sure.

Mel:

That seems fine to do with another human for no reason at all.

Mel:

That has to do with your penis, And, and so they go to the fair and, and

Mel:

like, I don't know that, listen, she hit on something, she hit on something

Mel:

Id, for me when they started eating mac and cheese and he, he was like,

Mel:

They started eating that mac and cheese and he was like, I was really enjoying

Mel:

the bite until she made this moaning sound around her mac and cheese.

Mel:

And then I couldn't, my, I blanked.

Mel:

I couldn't think about anything else.

Kim:

This man from the start of this book is fighting for his life.

Kim:

Anytime she so much just like looks at him with her big dough eyes, he

Kim:

is just like foaming at the mouth, staring at them titties, . She's

Kim:

just like, oh, he is too hot for me.

Kim:

Be while he is just like, what do I need to do

Mel:

What?

Mel:

What do I

Mel:

have to do?

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

have?

Kim:

Do I need to be on my knees?

Kim:

I don't fucking care.

Mel:

Right.

Mel:

I'm Sir Duncan . I will move mountains for you.

Mel:

I am Ben Knighted.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

So then she sees a, uh, like a punch, a punch, a something,

Mel:

a punch of something game.

Mel:

And if you punch it hard enough, then you get a big stuffy.

Mel:

And I guess her niece is, um, obsessed with parrots lately and

Mel:

there's like a fuck off giant human size parrot on the top row.

Mel:

And so she's like, I'm gonna go get that parrot.

Mel:

Even though everybody knows that fair games are rigged, everyone

Mel:

they're rigged, don't get sucked in by them.

Mel:

Oh man.

Mel:

We took ember to his first fair this summer and trying, trying to get it

Mel:

through his sweet, sweet, naive brain.

Mel:

that like, it's a racket was a very difficult, and B, a little bit

Mel:

demoralizing, you know, like, like taking the magic out of his sweet face.

Mel:

But honestly, it's worth the $25 I saved on him playing games.

Mel:

He would never win

Kim:

Honestly, just wait until mm.

Kim:

Yeah.

Kim:

The statute of limitations has passed.

Kim:

It's fine.

Mel:

Ooh, tell me everything

Kim:

wait until he is like in elementary and goes to school at like

Kim:

a, or goes to a fair with like some friends and one distracts the guy

Kim:

and the other goes in the back and gets the stuffies.

Kim:

Cuz we know it's rigg, but we want the toys we're kids, it's.

Mel:

that's right.

Kim:

Rob fair people is what I'm saying.

Kim:

Don't

Mel:

I, I love a caper, you know, and a, and an adolescent

Mel:

caper even better, frankly.

Kim:

we were just We things.

Kim:

That's

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

. Mm-hmm.

Mel:

.Yeah.

Mel:

I bet you weren't even adolescent at.

Kim:

No, I was like seven.

Kim:

listeners.

Kim:

Four.

Kim:

Just clarity.

Kim:

Don't rob fair people.

Mel:

don't rob fair people.

Mel:

Look, it could set you on a trajectory that is not Kim's like Kim, she got

Mel:

her life together and she got on the straight and narrow, you know?

Mel:

And now she's a real life author who's just bringing joy to everybody.

Mel:

But it could have gone very differently had she continued down that

Kim:

I could have been in clown jail,

Mel:

that's what I'm saying.

Mel:

The shoes don't fit anyone.

Kim:

and I have such

Kim:

small feet.

Kim:

It would've been a nightmare.

Mel:

a nightmare.

Mel:

Ah, everything just randomly squirts water at you.

Mel:

What else happens in a cloud jail?

Kim:

They just, they just taunt you with the honking noise of their

Kim:

nose, which would drive me insane in like five minutes.

Kim:

I'd go in for robbery and leave a murderer.

Kim:

I just, I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Mel:

Yeah, that's fair.

Mel:

So I'm glad we, I'm glad we were just, throwing down some lessons today.

Mel:

Keeping people

Mel:

on the right

Kim:

Stay outta clown jail kids.

Kim:

. Mel: Look, they don't have

Kim:

in for this episode, frankly.

Kim:

Make sure your kids hear this

Kim:

Yes, So at their fair, they don't go to clown jail and

Kim:

they don't steal that parrot.

Kim:

They do however, win a teddy bear because you know he is a boxer and the game is

Mel:

Yeah, he, it says like, new high score, it says, and then he

Mel:

gets her That fucking parrot amazing.

Kim:

Was it a parrot or was it a bear?

Mel:

I thought it was a parrot.

Kim:

Okay, we'll go with parrot.

Kim:

So the parrot has a shirt, which is important because naturally

Kim:

as they're walking to the cars,

Mel:

The Par has a shirt,

Mel:

and

Kim:

realize what a weird sentence sun is.

Mel:

is one of my things you've ever said to me.

Kim:

Okay.

Kim:

god.

Kim:

Oh,

Mel:

Oh shit.

Mel:

Oh,

Kim:

starts raining, which is why it's important as a shirt.

Kim:

Damn it.

Kim:

Melody.

Kim:

I'm trying to speak The parent has a shirt and it's frustrating And

Kim:

so she's like, oh my God, my hair.

Kim:

And he's like, I got you, boo.

Kim:

Makes up.

Kim:

Out of the parrot shirt and like wraps her hair because haircare is

Kim:

important and I fell immediately, which was why the shirt was important.

Kim:

Okay.

Mel:

What?

Mel:

No, I, I, I was not besmirching your point, . I was just saying

Mel:

that the construction of the presentation was fantastic.

Mel:

Oh, okay.

Mel:

So yeah, so they get rained on real hard and like, before they run into this

Mel:

restaurant, she's like, oh, his body is giving off so much heat and Oh, I

Mel:

shouldn't Nuzzle don't do a nuzzle, Retta.

Mel:

Oh no.

Mel:

And I'm like, do the nuzzle do

Kim:

the nuzzle.

Kim:

She's trying real hard not to sniff up that man scent, which is directed at

Kim:

me once again because I am the weird bitch that's always sniffing the dudes

Kim:

looking for the sandalwood scent.

Mel:

it's true, it's true.

Mel:

yeah, I still creep my husband out sometimes

Kim:

Well, He shouldn't smell so good.

Mel:

That's what I'm saying.

Mel:

Don't hit my pheromones so hard and then you'll be safe is all.

Mel:

I know, but instead he'll be like, no, what, what?

Mel:

What are you doing He's like, just trying to play video games.

Mel:

And I'm like all up on his neck.

Mel:

Oh boy, that's, you know, that's love though.

Mel:

So they end up at a restaurant

Kim:

Yes, they do.

Mel:

and then there are so many like random things in this book that she

Mel:

managed to make, not feel random or out of place, but like as we say,

Mel:

this sequence of events like parrot shirt, bon it, the next thing on

Mel:

the list is cake eating contest.

Kim:

Yes.

Mel:

And I don't know, it's just so good.

Mel:

Anyway, so they , they tortured themselves with cake and I love that.

Mel:

I love that.

Mel:

At first it was just like a fun idea and then, and then they found out that

Mel:

they're both competitive people and they are compatible on that level.

Kim:

and it was, it was hilarious to me because at the bowling alley, they were

Kim:

fighting against each other, but as soon as they found out that there was like

Kim:

a prize on the line for the cake eating

Kim:

competition, at one point Duncan was like, oh my God, I can't eat anymore.

Kim:

And he's just like, you are?

Kim:

And she goes, you are a goddamn warrior.

Kim:

You will eat this cake

Kim:

with me.

Kim:

Come on.

Kim:

And he's like,

Kim:

you're right,

Mel:

Duncan

Kim:

Ah, they're just ferociously eating this

Kim:

cake and just making themselves sick as dogs.

Mel:

it is so good.

Mel:

And the best part is that it's one of those fake prizes where the prize

Mel:

is you don't pay for the cake that you didn't have to get in the first

Mel:

place.

Kim:

There was really no reason to go that hard.

Mel:

it's really just a punishment either way, you're, you either get hit in in the

Mel:

stomach or you get hit in the pocketbook, , but the glory is all she sees the Sir

Mel:

Duncan inside him and she understands how the glory is important to him, and

Mel:

she rises to the fucking occasion and.

Mel:

The very important thing that happens is that one of the things

Mel:

is you get a commemorative photo,

Kim:

Yeah.

Mel:

and so he dips her in the photo.

Mel:

Ooh,

Kim:

and it was, it was something,

Mel:

It was great.

Mel:

What a great idea.

Mel:

I think it was his idea too.

Mel:

yeah.

Mel:

that's a big romance right there.

Kim:

Yeah.

Kim:

That's why he made me a little mad when he was gonna be the one that quit.

Kim:

Like, no, no, no.

Kim:

You suggested this cake getting competition.

Kim:

You don't get to bail on me.

Kim:

I swear to God, I will haunt your soul if you fail me in this

Kim:

endeavor that you invited me to.

Mel:

And that she had to rise like extra high to meat because she's

Mel:

a baker and that cake was dry,

Kim:

It was so dry.

Mel:

like like that's a mean thing to do to a professional baker.

Mel:

You know?

Kim:

I'd be so upset.

Mel:

I guess the buttercream was on point, but like still, I don't know.

Mel:

. Okay.

Mel:

So then they have to get an Uber.

Mel:

And because of the human sized parrot, everyone, they have to

Mel:

sit real close to each other.

Kim:

Yeah, they do.

Mel:

Ooh.

Mel:

They didn't put the parrot in between

Kim:

no, because that would be silly.

Kim:

Who would do that?

Mel:

no.

Mel:

Only, only Bing.

Mel:

Boom bang.

Mel:

Safety with Aaron would do that because the middle seat is the most

Mel:

dangerous seat, but we're not bing.

Mel:

Boom.

Mel:

Bonging safety right now.

Mel:

We're bing.

Mel:

Boom.

Mel:

Bombing proximity.

Kim:

And speaking of proximity, as I have mentioned, Duncan from page

Kim:

one of seeing this woman is fighting for his fucking life and now she is

Kim:

sitting next to him with a wet shirt.

Mel:

my God.

Mel:

I forgot it was wet.

Mel:

Oh shit.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

That makes even better,

Kim:

He is like desperately trying not to stare at the outline of her tits.

Kim:

And she goes, oh, you have cake on your face.

Mel:

Oh, you smell like cake.

Mel:

Well, cuz he's leaning into kiss.

Kim:

He's leading.

Kim:

He's leading in because he can't resist anymore.

Kim:

She's, she's like right next to him.

Kim:

She's all wet looking, all sexy, and all of a sudden she goes,

Kim:

oh, you have cake on your face.

Kim:

Leans in, licks it off his cheek.

Mel:

She does a big awkward turtle on him and like panics when he goes to kiss

Mel:

her and licks this poor man's cheek.

Kim:

And you can just feel him trying not to orgasm in the

Kim:

backseat of that Uber, like

Kim:

It's just like she, she, she licked me.

Kim:

He literally says like, my mind whited out.

Kim:

I didn't know what to do.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And meanwhile she's like, I might never see this man again.

Mel:

Like, at least not, at least not close by.

Mel:

He might run in the other direction every time I see him from now on

Mel:

And meanwhile he's like, I've se I've, I've experienced her tongue.

Mel:

Oh no.

Kim:

What do I do with this information?

Kim:

Oh, God, how can I not stare at her?

Mel:

Oh God.

Mel:

It's so funny.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Oh my god.

Mel:

And my note is, my note is goes into kiss her and she licks his face.

Mel:

And then , my, quotation for what she says to him, which is not actually

Mel:

a verbatim quotation, is frosting.

Mel:

Nothing to see here.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Cause she just bounces outta the car.

Mel:

It's, it's fantastic.

Kim:

No, I think my, my note is right here.

Kim:

It's literally just man is losing his fucking mind at her beauty

Kim:

and she just licks his cheek.

Kim:

Who does that?

Mel:

Oh, it made me so happy.

Mel:

Oh shit.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

So now the next time they see each other, a couple of days later is out in the

Mel:

parking lot of their shared workspace and he introduces her to his sister Gwen.

Mel:

And then as soon as Gwen leaves, he's like, so, are you ready for a second date?

Mel:

And she's like, I don't know what that means.

Mel:

Because when they were doing the, the punch him up game, he asked

Mel:

her if she had ever seen Rocky.

Mel:

And she was like, oh no I haven't.

Mel:

And he was like, well, you're gonna see it.

Mel:

I'm gonna make sure you see it.

Mel:

So his second fake date is a movie time with Rocky.

Mel:

And she's like, I, hmm, I suppose we could do that.

Mel:

And I'm like, What, what a great day.

Mel:

You know, you're just like killing it at work.

Mel:

And then you, you leave and you, you see this man and you think to

Mel:

yourself, I gotta bite the bullet and find out if he's ever gonna speak

Mel:

to me again after I licked his face.

Mel:

And you walk away from that conversation with a date, a fake one.

Mel:

I'm

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Kim:

.Okay.

Kim:

But this is where I started calling these two Tweedle D and Tweedle dumb

Mel:

Yeah, for sure.

Kim:

because their whole thing is like, yeah, we're gonna

Kim:

keep this, uh, fake dating.

Kim:

We're not gonna smooch on each other, but we are gonna snuggle

Kim:

on this couch and watch a movie.

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

I did lick his face and he invited me back for more, but

Kim:

like, does he think I'm attractive?

Kim:

I just don't know.

Kim:

And I'm like, baby girl,

Mel:

Ma'am, ma'am.

Kim:

on, The fact that you, I don't remember whose apartment did they go to?

Kim:

Was it her

Kim:

house or his house?

Mel:

Hers.

Mel:

Well, they go to hers because she's like, she's like, I have scheduled to

Mel:

watch my niece and nephew later, so I have a, I have a cock block built in.

Mel:

I am not going to do this.

Mel:

Blotty, blotty, ble.

Mel:

And I'm just like, you're g still gonna do it.

Mel:

Like,

Kim:

you're still gonna do it now.

Kim:

Admittedly, I have been out at the dating scene for a while, if I am

Kim:

so much looking for a fake date, that man isn't coming to my house.

Kim:

He's not coming into my abode with all of my things on my

Kim:

cozy couch to watch a movie.

Kim:

Are

Mel:

I am not cleaning for him.

Kim:

No.

Kim:

That's not a fake date anymore.

Kim:

I don't care what's going on.

Kim:

That's a real ass date.

Kim:

If you are in my home, snuggle up on my couch.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

,that's a date.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

I, I have cooked, I have cleaned at that point.

Mel:

It's super a date and it was before you even got here.

Mel:

God.

Mel:

So he shows up and she's making donuts for, for her niece and nephew.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Reta.

Mel:

No, you were not, you were doing a really hard, I'm a talented baker Flex, right.

Mel:

In his hot face and like, just say it, own

Mel:

it.

Kim:

Own it.

Kim:

Okay, miss, I'm just gonna make this man delicious treats in my home that I

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Just really casual stuff.

Mel:

Just making from scratch

Mel:

donuts.

Kim:

donuts.

Mel:

Honestly.

Mel:

there's a ganache,

Kim:

there's a ganache.

Mel:

and I really, uh, there was a moment where I was like, Mimi Grace,

Mel:

are you gonna reverse the trope where like you have her put her hand over his

Mel:

to like stir the ganache or whatever.

Mel:

It didn't happen, but it was still perfect.

Kim:

It

Mel:

Because he does help her make the ganache.

Mel:

Oh, it's so good.

Mel:

And then they, they go to start watching Rocky.

Mel:

And then the weirdest shit, I'm sorry I've ever seen in my life happens.

Mel:

And that is that like basically her shame porn is on her tv.

Mel:

When he turns it on , he turns on her tv.

Mel:

And I think it would've been less embarrassing had it

Mel:

just been straight up porns.

Mel:

Instead, it's her like crying the moment.

Mel:

It's basically the Miss America moment, but she's winning a baking competition,

Mel:

like a, a huge baking competition.

Mel:

Like nailed it.

Mel:

But for really talented people, like what's the one, the great

Mel:

British one except American

Mel:

Times.

Mel:

That's the one.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

She's winning one of those.

Kim:

Yes.

Mel:

And.

Mel:

and she does like the, like the Oh, oh, that old thing.

Mel:

. She's like, what's going on here?

Mel:

She's like, oh, that's, Hmm, that, that old thing.

Mel:

I just won the, the winner bakes all competition, which

Mel:

is the name of the show.

Mel:

How is there not a real show called Winner Bakes?

Mel:

All

Kim:

I don't know.

Kim:

I

Mel:

that's a travesty.

Kim:

It is a travesty and I'm just realizing this now.

Kim:

Reta totally, totally had that plan.

Kim:

Like this bitch is out here trying to get that man, even

Kim:

subconsciously, she's making donuts, she's showing off her weddings.

Kim:

He's in her house.

Kim:

I'm just like, oh, fake dating.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Reta.

Mel:

.It's so true.

Mel:

So she has to tell him this, this story about how basically like right around

Mel:

the time, she doesn't tell him this, but like for our purposes, right around the

Mel:

time she got broken up, By Chris, she wins this huge baking competition that

Mel:

basically turns you into the next emeral.

Mel:

I, I have no, chef or, baking references.

Mel:

I,

Mel:

I have

Kim:

I know is Gordon Ramsey will say she was gonna become the next Gordon Ramsey.

Mel:

The next Gordon Ramsey, like one bitch got a cookbook, a

Mel:

bestselling cookbook, another one like, you know, it's, it's a really

Mel:

serious business to win this thing,

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

except that right before her season was supposed to air the host got like

Mel:

brought up on fraud charges or something.

Kim:

Oh yeah.

Kim:

It was some bullshit.

Mel:

yeah, so they just canceled the entire season.

Mel:

So she won this thing and no one knows about it.

Mel:

So she doesn't get any of the publicity that she could have had.

Mel:

She won it and like, and he's.

Mel:

Honestly, he's devastated by this

Kim:

as he should be because that is heart wrenching.

Mel:

it is.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Especially because he knows how important her work is to her,

Mel:

you know, like not just on a financial level, unlike a, a core

Mel:

part of her personhood level, it's really important to her.

Mel:

So yeah, they start watching Rocky, she falls asleep 30 minutes in.

Kim:

so quickly.

Mel:

So super quickly, and like, you know what, there's not even

Mel:

been a montage at that point.

Mel:

I forgive it,

Kim:

Yeah.

Mel:

you know, like once you get to the montage stages, like there's no sleeping.

Mel:

But up until then, I'll forgive it.

Mel:

so he lets her sleep.

Mel:

He doesn't, fault her for sleeping, but he does stew.

Mel:

on the injustice of her loss.

Mel:

Basically her

Mel:

win butt

Mel:

loss the whole time.

Mel:

He does a big Google on her.

Mel:

He like, he's real big mad about it.

Mel:

And when she wakes up, I love it.

Mel:

Cuz she basically does a, whoa, when did I fall asleep?

Mel:

And his first question was, you got the money though, right?

Mel:

And she's like, are you seriously still thinking about that?

Mel:

Like, yes, that's what I opened up my shop with.

Mel:

It's, you know, I made the best of a shitty situation.

Mel:

It's fine.

Mel:

And then listen, she has to get something off a top shelf maybe, right?

Mel:

Yeah,

Mel:

Yeah, And instead of asking the hot, tall man, she's like,

Mel:

I'm self-sufficient and I rule.

Mel:

And so she hoist herself up onto the counter.

Mel:

and he automatically, just instinctively, he's right behind

Mel:

her ready to catch that juicy peach.

Mel:

Should it fall?

Kim:

He was so ready.

Mel:

He was ready.

Mel:

He was poised to pounce.

Mel:

Really?

Mel:

And she doesn't fall, but when she gets back down, oh, they're pretty close.

Kim:

They are super close because again, he is drawn in so hard by her

Kim:

that he's just like all up on her business when she's literally just

Kim:

grabbing something off the top shelf.

Kim:

So she turns around to this hot wall of man, like, oh,

Mel:

Oh, oh, oh, hello there.

Mel:

And they do a tiny bit of banter and then he says, if you keep looking at me

Mel:

like that, we're gonna have a problem

Kim:

Ugh,

Mel:

cuz like, we, and, and he goes, and we don't want that.

Mel:

And then there's a beat and she, she looks from his mouth to

Mel:

his eyes and she says, no red.

Kim:

ugh, because she has been on her game this whole fake date,

Mel:

Yes.

Kim:

that's

Mel:

Like, it, it that, that's a hard earned victory.

Mel:

Not even hard earned a, a well deserved victory, I should say.

Mel:

And

Mel:

he ho, come on, you boiled fucking oil dude.

Mel:

Like you there, you had more skin in the game than you're admitting to.

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

And so he just descends upon her.

Mel:

He can't handle it anymore.

Mel:

They do this big make out and they make out and make out

Mel:

and it's super, super hot.

Mel:

But then once he like pivots to like put her up on the counter, she

Mel:

just starts mumbling into his mouth.

Mel:

Like not by the food.

Mel:

Get away from the, not the food, not the food It was so perfect.

Mel:

And so then he takes her to the couch,

Mel:

it's couch times and like their shirts come off like it's zero to, it's on tm.

Kim:

because they cannot help themselves.

Kim:

And at one point he says, oh, let's see.

Kim:

What is it?

Kim:

Is this how you would ride my face?

Kim:

And I'm like, oh,

Kim:

okay.

Mel:

I nearly fell out of my bed at that point.

Mel:

I was reading last night before bed, and there I, there was an

Mel:

actual lurch and Michael was like, what's going on over there?

Mel:

And I was just like, nothing.

Mel:

Nothing at all.

Mel:

Nothing at all.

Kim:

See, I was listening to it via audiobook, including my house.

Kim:

So I hear the line and my head go, what?

Kim:

What?

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Cause like, I didn't know until recently.

Mel:

I think it was, maybe it might have been in one of the

Mel:

Dangerous Tides book recently.

Mel:

There's like some sort of like thyroid and I didn't know I liked a

Mel:

fictional thyroid so much, but that's what she's doing on top of him.

Mel:

And he says to her, , he says right in her beautiful eyes, is

Mel:

this how you would ride my face?

Mel:

Oh God.

Mel:

And, and meanwhile her titties are out.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

They, they're out and he is, he's doing a big dirty dj moving those noles around.

Mel:

Oh, it's finger That was

Kim:

The word.

Kim:

The word of the day listener is

Mel:

No It's so true.

Kim:

Welcome to Heaving bosoms, where we have nodules and pants with shirts,

Mel:

the one that was, um, delightfully unfortunate.

Mel:

Oh shit.

Mel:

Oh, so like there it is hot and heavy.

Mel:

There is, there is no stopping these horses once they're

Mel:

out of the stable except me.

Mel:

Like there's a beep from outside.

Mel:

Somebody's buzzing her apartment because there are children here.

Kim:

Right.

Kim:

Her cock block that she immediately forgot about as soon as the cock came out.

Mel:

I mean, relatable

Mel:

content .Yeah.

Mel:

And they're early, they're half an hour early when she's doing a thy ride.

Mel:

Honestly.

Mel:

The one and only day.

Mel:

Oh.

Mel:

Anyway, he's very cool about it.

Mel:

He like tosses her her bra.

Mel:

They get dressed, he meets the children, he meets her brother.

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

It's kind of fantastic.

Mel:

And then they're gone.

Mel:

Bye Now she's gonna like have to, she has to switch gears and play with children.

Mel:

Honestly.

Mel:

Oh, so, so mad for her.

Mel:

Oh,

Kim:

I was a little bit heartbroken.

Kim:

Just like, oh, you poor thing.

Mel:

Honestly.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Then the next thing that happens is she runs into Steve at a catering event.

Kim:

Yes, Steve.

Kim:

The date that she thought ghosted her.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

. And she's fixing to be like, we're cool.

Mel:

See?

Mel:

Never, because he says, oh, this is awkward.

Mel:

And she goes, not really,

Kim:

Yeah.

Mel:

because she's so like, I love this energy outta her.

Mel:

She's like, you ghosted me.

Mel:

I don't give a shit.

Mel:

Watch me, watch me walk away.

Mel:

Steve is

Kim:

But then it turns out that Steve didn't ghost her.

Kim:

She took down his number wrong.

Kim:

So he's just like, Hey, I don't mean to be like rude, but like,

Kim:

I thought the date went well.

Kim:

What's going

Mel:

honestly, justice for Steve

Mel:

He did.

Mel:

He was like, can I just

Kim:

a sweetheart.

Mel:

Why you never called back.

Mel:

I, I really thought we had a good time.

Kim:

So she figures out she wasn't ghosted.

Kim:

Steve's a good guy, but she now, she's totally in the Duncans, so she's like,

Kim:

I'm so sorry, but I am seeing someone now.

Kim:

And he's like, you know what?

Kim:

Good for you.

Kim:

Which I love that the other guy in the story was just like a nice man because

Kim:

we don't get that a lot.

Mel:

he's just a good

Kim:

He's just, he's a good man.

Kim:

Samantha

Kim:

A.

Kim:

Good man.

Mel:

That's right.

Mel:

And you know what, justice for Steve, because he's a giver, I'm

Mel:

certain of it and like he goes down just as much as Duncan does.

Mel:

He's not right for Retta.

Mel:

That's what I'm saying.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Anyway, just for Steve, he wasn't right for Retta, but I would take

Mel:

a novella, you know, if Mimi Grace wanted to do a newsletter magnet, you

Mel:

know, I'll be there is all I'm saying.

Kim:

Even if she just says Steve gets a happy ending, I would be satisfied.

Kim:

I just wanna know that Steve is,

Mel:

Steve, who we find out later is the child of two therapists.

Mel:

like Yes.

Kim:

that part.

Kim:

Oh, well, he's gonna be fine no matter what.

Kim:

Like he's always got that mental health unlocked.

Mel:

what I'm saying.

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

Damn it.

Kim:

Now I'm much more interested in

Mel:

I know Thank goodness.

Mel:

Honestly, it was a stroke of genius that Mimi Grace did not put that

Mel:

detail in until like the very end,

Mel:

basically

Kim:

I'm just like, I'm sorry.

Kim:

A man born into therapy, uh,

Mel:

sounds like fucking unicorn.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So, yeah, she's like, thi this is the other thing, Kim,

Mel:

to your point, all right.

Mel:

She's like, oh, I'm so sorry.

Mel:

I'm seeing someone right now.

Mel:

And then she has the audacity in her, in her monologue to be like,

Mel:

I have no idea what I just said.

Mel:

That, ah, I'm not actually st seeing him.

Mel:

He's so, he's so fake.

Mel:

Is Duncan.

Mel:

He's just like,

Kim:

It's so fake that I just rode his thigh, but it,

Kim:

you know, it's, it's casual.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And, and I turned down a guy that I have legitimately been interested in before,

Kim:

Yeah,

Mel:

uh,

Mel:

Reta.

Kim:

it's tweedle D and Tweed dumb.

Kim:

I swear to God,

Mel:

It's, it

Kim:

because then after she's done with Steve, we get like Duncan talking to

Kim:

his friend who apparently there's like a party going on and he's like, oh, you

Kim:

should invite that chick that I met.

Kim:

And then he goes, it wasn't a real date.

Kim:

He says, after shoving his tongue down her throat and asking her

Kim:

if that's how she writes his.

Mel:

Ah,

Kim:

She's like, no, I can't invite my fake girlfriend to this fake

Kim:

thing cause we're totally fake

Kim:

and I totally

Kim:

haven't seen her titties.

Mel:

it's fake times.

Mel:

and Anthony's book too.

Mel:

Fuck yeah.

Kim:

Yes.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah.

Mel:

Because every, every chapter with Anthony is fantastic because I feel like

Mel:

it's gonna be, he's, he's definitely a grumpy, I don't know that it's gonna be

Mel:

a grumpy sunshine, but he's certainly bringing a, bringing some stern energy

Kim:

We forgot.

Kim:

We forgot.

Kim:

a bit.

Kim:

We have to go back to her talking to Steve cuz this is very important.

Kim:

The, the reason she gives herself in her head that she has to turn

Kim:

Steve down is that, well, I can't just say goodbye to Duncan like

Kim:

he has my blueberry scone recipe.

Kim:

Like

Kim:

I, and I'm just like the really, that's what we're going with.

Kim:

He has the scone recipe, ma'am.

Kim:

Okay,

Mel:

It's not, it's not that I could be towed at any moment, any time I'm

Mel:

at work, It's the fucking scone recipe.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Reta.

Kim:

scone.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So , after this, her employees they're all gonna go over there and do a group workout

Mel:

session because one of her employees has a crush on one of the trainers and she's,

Mel:

she's immediately like, oh, who though?

Mel:

I'm, they're just asking for like the general knowledge of

Mel:

everyone, and not specifically

Mel:

for me.

Mel:

Just wondering who you have a crush on Thankfully it's the

Mel:

red haired dude or whatever, and she's like the sigh of relief.

Mel:

She exhales in this moment is very telling Reta.

Mel:

And then, and then they're like, oh, ready, you should come.

Mel:

And she's like, oh, I couldn't possibly, I don't have the right clothes.

Mel:

Oh, I'll just, I'll just put on this flimsy sports bra.

Mel:

. Oh

Kim:

Everything's possibly might fall out.

Kim:

We don't know.

Mel:

Twist

Kim:

She,

Mel:

Employees.

Kim:

she did have a value effort though because she thought she had exercise

Kim:

clothes in her car, but they were stained.

Kim:

She gave it a

Mel:

It's like, it's like a whole thing.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

I'm, I'm, I might be being too harsh on Retta

Kim:

We may be given a little bit of grief, but she deserves it.

Kim:

So the at the gym and they're just like, oh, sorry, we have only

Kim:

room for the rest of you, but not read up because booking issues.

Kim:

And she's just like, oh, well I guess it wasn't meant to be.

Kim:

But then who comes walking around the

Kim:

corner?

Kim:

But the Sir

Mel:

his fucking steed.

Kim:

and this is what cracks.

Kim:

Because he cannot function if he, she's in the room, he is in

Kim:

mid convo with another person.

Kim:

Sees her and all her bootylicious glory stops dead damn near crashes into a

Kim:

wall and just like, oh, my boo's here.

Mel:

And he does a, like, he does a big giant smile at her like in

Mel:

front, you know, like, it's so cute.

Mel:

Like he was probably doing some sort of orientation meeting, trying to

Mel:

sell a membership to this person.

Mel:

And everything goes out the window

Kim:

Yeah.

Kim:

His mind just wipes out

Mel:

It does.

Mel:

Fighting for his life.

Kim:

fighting for his life every second that she's in the room.

Mel:

It's true.

Mel:

So he's like, oh, what's going on here?

Mel:

And she's like, well, my employees are going in.

Mel:

I'm just leaving though.

Mel:

And he's like, oh, hold on, just a sec.

Mel:

I'm gonna saunter my steed over to the front desk and I'm

Mel:

gonna get you into that class.

Mel:

No worries.

Mel:

And then he says, oh, hey everybody, how about I just give you some

Mel:

t l c, some personal owner touch and show you how to like wrap your

Mel:

wrists and do all the the things.

Mel:

And he lingers on her hands.

Mel:

Everyone, he does a hand linger on her.

Kim:

Does he even help anyone else with their raps?

Kim:

Because that's what cracked me up.

Kim:

Just he's speaking to the whole class, looking directly in her

Kim:

eyes, only wrapping her hands in this very clearly erotic display.

Kim:

And those are, those are her workers.

Kim:

Might

Mel:

that's her, those are her colleagues.

Kim:

those?

Kim:

All her colleagues are just seeing her get felt up by this hot

Kim:

boxer who's then they make some sort of excuse to just

Kim:

like walk away from the crowd.

Mel:

no, no.

Mel:

It's even better than that.

Mel:

I, sorry.

Mel:

So they start, he's like, oh, I'll just walk you as far as I

Mel:

can to your class, the class that you're all gonna go to together.

Mel:

The rest of her colleagues don't notice that.

Mel:

Like she and Duncan just sort of naturally stop in their tracks right before like

Mel:

the stairs or something like that.

Mel:

So they keep going to the class and she stops.

Mel:

And he stops and that neither of them know why they're stopping.

Mel:

And then she just looks, honestly.

Mel:

So she's in the, they're in the middle of like a hallway in his gym.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

This is serious business times for him specifically right now.

Mel:

And all she does is turn her head and look up at him with her big dough eyes.

Mel:

There's like a beat where they make eye contact and then it is on TM in public.

Mel:

They just right together.

Kim:

They're smushing the mouths and they like frantically stumble into his office.

Kim:

I think they finally remember to shut the door, but

Kim:

they're just pawing at each other and it is great.

Mel:

that desk swipe thing that everybody

Mel:

loves, honestly.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

He does a desk swipe.

Mel:

She gets up on that desk and they're, they can hear like the clamoring of

Mel:

weights or something outside and he's like, oh, don't worry, I locked the door.

Mel:

Nobody's coming in here.

Mel:

She's like, good.

Mel:

And like her pants are off now.

Mel:

Like she, my favorite thing in the whole wide world.

Mel:

I think she pulls up her shirt and pulls her sports bra down

Mel:

and she just makes a tit window.

Mel:

I love a tit window like

Kim:

so did He

Mel:

Yes.

Kim:

about that tit window.

Mel:

It was so good.

Mel:

And then he gets her pants off and then he, and then he gets her, he gets

Mel:

her panties off and he's just a oh oh.

Mel:

And, and like, I think he's been doing like a mild, he's been doing like a

Mel:

knuckle or something over, over the panties for a little while, and she's

Mel:

been moaning her head off, understandably.

Kim:

He does have to tell her to hush a bit, otherwise everyone's gonna hear him.

Mel:

He does it in such a sexually, passive aggressive way that I

Mel:

was like, if this communication happens outside of the bedroom,

Mel:

I'm gonna have a problem with you.

Mel:

But right now that's hot because he goes, he goes, oh, do you

Mel:

want everybody to hear us?

Mel:

Is that your thing?

Mel:

And she's like, no.

Mel:

And like then puts her hand over her mouth and maybe he does that too.

Mel:

Listen, it's

Kim:

It's good times is what it

Mel:

Wowza.

Mel:

And then, Pound,

Kim:

then?

Kim:

Yep.

Kim:

The knock on the door.

Kim:

Hey, are you busy?

Kim:

Fucking yes.

Mel:

busy.

Mel:

And so the guy, the person outside is like, oh, I have just something really

Mel:

n nonsensical to go over with you.

Mel:

Like, it's really not a big deal at all.

Mel:

And he, and he's like, I'll meet you in the staff room.

Mel:

I just have to get

Kim:

and here's, here's where I fell for him, cuz I wrote it down.

Kim:

She, she goes, oh, it's a sign.

Kim:

And I, and in my, in my head, I'm like, girl, shut up.

Kim:

. He slides up on her and says, who are you?

Kim:

Who are we fooling?

Kim:

And she goes, my family.

Kim:

No, what I mean, We're ridiculous for thinking this isn't gonna happen.

Kim:

I want it.

Kim:

That Pretty pussy wants it, and when it happens, we'll go

Kim:

slow and be as loud as we want.

Kim:

And she looks at him and goes, I look forward to it then.

Kim:

And I melted like, I'm seduced.

Kim:

He's about it.

Kim:

He's not pulling any punches.

Kim:

Get with it.

Kim:

Greta.

Kim:

Get with it.

Mel:

I mean, but then, but like, that's the thing she immediately does because

Mel:

just as hot, just as hot as his thing was, hers was hot in

Mel:

a, in a totally different way.

Mel:

She gets all like coy and business-like, and like, oh, I've got it fully together

Mel:

and you're gonna have to work hard to make me be overwrought or j it's hot.

Mel:

I look forward to it.

Mel:

Then Reta, you minks.

Kim:

you ming, with your tit window Still out.

Mel:

I, I love a tick window.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

Will go slow and be as loud as we want.

Mel:

Don't threaten me with a good time.

Mel:

Oh, Jesus.

Mel:

It's engagement party time.

Mel:

She does.

Mel:

She's like, okay.

Mel:

So in between all of this, Two things have been happening that

Mel:

we should just like sum up.

Mel:

One is the subplot for Duncan, which is his parents are finally getting divorced

Mel:

and they should have, you know, years ago, and they're gonna throw a divorce party

Mel:

and they want he and his, his sister to both do speeches at the divorce party.

Mel:

And I'm just like, haven't you done enough for that?

Mel:

Uh, to them like what, what is this?

Mel:

Like you do do the speech yourselves, like this

Kim:

Yeah.

Kim:

His whole, his whole thing is like, I don't trust relationships because

Kim:

look at my parents in their failed marriage, because they've almost

Kim:

gotten divorced like five times.

Kim:

He's so done with it.

Kim:

He doesn't even think it's gonna happen this time, but

Mel:

Yeah, Yeah, And then her thing is that she's got two, um, besties.

Mel:

One is Kim, who is like pregnant out to here and yeah.

Mel:

And then Nia, is it Nia?

Mel:

I.

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And she's like, she's like a fashion lady who jet sets places

Mel:

and so they get together because they're getting her dresses for

Mel:

the engagement party and for the

Mel:

wedding because the only formal wear or semi-formal wear she has her ex has seen

Mel:

four times because of the events that he went to with her when they were together.

Mel:

Ugh,

Kim:

And you can't wear that dress,

Mel:

no.

Kim:

honestly.

Kim:

Burn it.

Mel:

Burn that shit.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

. Absolutely.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Funeral pie for that nonsense and the rest of the Mm.

Mel:

So they do, they do a shopping, it's great.

Mel:

Now it's engagement party time, and she's wearing this slinky black

Mel:

dress that they picked out together.

Mel:

Great.

Kim:

And of course, as soon as Duncan shows up, they're

Kim:

eye on each other real hard.

Kim:

And she's like, oh, I wonder if people can tell that we're lying.

Kim:

I'm just staring at this man.

Kim:

Like, I wanna live a thousand lives in his eyes.

Kim:

Like I don't, do people know

Mel:

honestly, they'll know we're frauds.

Mel:

Fraud.

Mel:

What?

Mel:

Stella?

Mel:

I mean, Reta.

Mel:

The fake part is the

Kim:

His, His, finger has been inside you?

Kim:

What?

Mel:

you.

Mel:

He has seen your cl.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

He hasn't just seen the vulva.

Mel:

Alright.

Mel:

He's been there.

Kim:

It's literally been all up on your business.

Mel:

like the hood has been retracted for him.

Mel:

Okay.

Kim:

Oh

Mel:

Honestly, Jesus, they, they're so cute.

Mel:

I love them so much.

Mel:

Oh, twel D and tweedle dumb.

Mel:

You nailed it.

Kim:

Yeah.

Mel:

So she is okay, but he is noticing that like it's extra weird

Mel:

because every single family member they see is like, oh my God, Reta, you

Mel:

are here, you came, like, does this mean you're coming to the wedding?

Mel:

And he's like, I knew it was like serious, but I didn't know it was this intense.

Mel:

And I don't, he has no frame of reference for it because she hasn't

Mel:

given him any context at all.

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

So he does such a good job in public of like doing just like, just

Mel:

like enough flirting and it's, it's super quiet and it's right in her ear

Mel:

and it just keeps her sort of like grounded in a, in like a sexy way.

Mel:

You know, I don't know.

Mel:

It's really, really good.

Mel:

So then they go to sit down at the table and they're like, oh,

Mel:

we waited so long because we were canoodling over by the bar.

Mel:

There's only so many seats left.

Mel:

They notice that the, the seats next to the bar are reserved.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

Seats next to the bar reserved.

Mel:

So they go to like a middle section, and we are not told that there's

Mel:

any kind of notification for like the seats that are around them.

Mel:

Right.

Mel:

And yet when the couple gets there, of course for romance reasons, they have

Mel:

to sit across from Retta and Duncan.

Mel:

And I'm like, who were those seats reserved for then?

Mel:

Like,

Kim:

Who would they reserved for?

Mel:

if it's not reserved for the bride and groom the fuck is going on.

Kim:

Listen, this bar was reserved for the loneliest singles who I've

Kim:

only invited for the SRO and Freya of

Mel:

Mm

Kim:

them watch me get

Kim:

married.

Mel:

absolutely . There are people I hate who I want to get drunk and

Mel:

sloppy watching me be my happiest self.

Mel:

Fair

Kim:

It's a villain era.

Mel:

I like it.

Mel:

So while they're sitting there at the table, they, it's so, Irene and Chris are

Mel:

the couple and like it's awkward town.

Mel:

You

Mel:

know,

Kim:

so awkward.

Mel:

he's really cute though because he like talks up her

Mel:

baking and how talented she is.

Mel:

And then Chris does a bit of a douche nozzle at them and he's like, oh wow.

Mel:

Boxing.

Mel:

I've never understood it.

Mel:

It seems like, you know, just, you know, Neanderthal nonsense or whatever.

Kim:

also.

Kim:

Shut up.

Mel:

Chris, you're, we didn't ask for this.

Mel:

We didn't ask for you, your opinion at all.

Mel:

And so before he can defend himself, she jumps in and she's like, no, it's

Mel:

a sport that requires like agility and stamina and strategy and stuff.

Mel:

Like, I don't know what you're talking about.

Kim:

hyping up her new man.

Mel:

Yeah, he loves it.

Mel:

Oh,

Mel:

He ooh,

Kim:

under that praise.

Mel:

Then he goes to the bathroom

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

and he overhears two people behind him talking about how shocked

Mel:

they are that Reta is there, and at her name he turns around a bit

Mel:

to like clock what's going on.

Mel:

And they're like, oh, you're her.

Mel:

You're her new man, right?

Mel:

And he's like, yep, that's me.

Mel:

Am boyfriend doing the boyfriend thing.

Mel:

And they're like, wow, it's so amazing that she's here.

Mel:

I would never be able to attend events like this for an ex.

Mel:

And that's when he is like, Oh,

Kim:

That's what's going

Mel:

everything makes sense now.

Mel:

Everything makes sense.

Mel:

But he doesn't say anything to her.

Kim:

No, because it's none of his business, and I respect that about

Mel:

I really liked it cuz it was also like, like Duncan has issues

Mel:

surrounding romantic relationships, but he's still emotionally intelligent

Kim:

Yeah.

Mel:

and so he's saying to himself, a, it's not my business.

Mel:

She would share it with me if she wanted to.

Mel:

B, she probably has some kind of feelings either for her ex

Mel:

or like about her ex still.

Mel:

And that's understandable.

Mel:

It makes how I'm falling for her really suck if she does have feelings for her ex

Mel:

still and more than that, my discomfort with that should not be her problem.

Kim:

Mimi.

Kim:

Grace, thank you so much for writing these emotionally intelligent men that

Kim:

know how to think through their problems.

Mel:

Thank you.

Mel:

Yes.

Mel:

Oh, it's so, it's so, nice.

Kim:

it's so nice.

Kim:

it's just delightful.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So then he asked her to dance cuz he is like, you know what?

Mel:

We just gotta get some bodies on bodies.

Mel:

We gotta distract her from all this bullshit.

Kim:

Yeah, we do.

Mel:

And they start talking about like how it's, oh, it's kind of like prom.

Mel:

And he's like, Ugh.

Mel:

And she's like, no, I liked it.

Mel:

And then something about like, he thought he got something on his,

Mel:

he's like, oh, I got my, you know, thing out of the jacket or whatever.

Mel:

And she's like, yeah, I'm returning this dress.

Mel:

And he goes, oh, well I'm, it's kind of sad.

Mel:

I really like it.

Mel:

And there's this adorable pause.

Mel:

And then she, What do you like about it?

Mel:

totally casual.

Mel:

Like just, if you weren't gonna share that out loud, uh, what would you say?

Mel:

. And then he pauses for long enough that she's like, ah, that

Mel:

was a really weird question.

Mel:

. Like she doesn't a apologetic cookie monster at him.

Kim:

Oh my goodness.

Kim:

She's so cute.

Mel:

she is.

Mel:

And then he is like, no, don't worry.

Mel:

I really like that.

Mel:

It seems a flimsy and looks like it would tear easily or something like that.

Kim:

This man pulls no punches.

Mel:

golly Wow.

Mel:

And so she does the most relatable thing I've ever seen written on the

Mel:

page of any literature, and that is she says, would you like to go home now?

Kim:

Which, yes.

Kim:

Thank you.

Kim:

Because it's, it's about time

Kim:

in this book,

Mel:

I ah, I loved it.

Mel:

And he's like, hard.

Mel:

Yes, absolutely.

Mel:

What do we need to do to accomplish this?

Mel:

They say they're goodbyes.

Mel:

They get in the car and he starts with a, a knee rub.

Mel:

And then as he's driving, he puts his hand up her thigh and then he gets like right

Mel:

to the apex of her thighs, notices that there's a bit of moisture happening there.

Mel:

And he says, how, why is it so hot, Kim?

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

He says, how long have you been like this for me?

Mel:

And she says, since we started dancing.

Kim:

Huh.

Kim:

And again, his mind goes white, which is very dangerous to do while you're driving.

Kim:

Don't do that.

Mel:

And she notices is red is a genius.

Mel:

And so she's like, focus on the road, sir.

Mel:

I'll be fine over here.

Mel:

I'll keep, I'll keep the train going and so she starts

Mel:

doing a bit of a clip fiddle,

Mel:

. Kim: as Juan does.

Mel:

one has to, frankly, in that

Kim:

I imagine he's speeding quite a bit at this point.

Mel:

has to be, yeah, yeah.

Mel:

Absolutely.

Mel:

He says that later on.

Mel:

It's so good.

Mel:

He says like, like there are two moments where he asks or

Mel:

like, is this what you wanted?

Mel:

One of them I think was earlier and it was like about his hard cock and then this one

Kim:

I wish everyone could have seen your face at that moment.

Kim:

That shit was, she looks off into the ether and does the eyebrow

Kim:

raise, like was it that hot cock like narrating a dick from the heavens

Mel:

It's a celest being, I

Mel:

think,

Kim:

God.

Mel:

Oh boy.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

The other time is when he is like, is that what you wanted?

Mel:

Me speeding and risking speeding tickets.

Kim:

they're flirting is so cute, but so stupidly hot.

Mel:

I know.

Mel:

Sometimes you're just like, oh,

Kim:

I feel like that shouldn't have worked,

Kim:

but it

Kim:

did.

Kim:

Let's keep going.

Kim:

Keep going.

Kim:

the camera's rolling.

Kim:

Let's go.

Mel:

right to anybody else.

Mel:

I would be like, say less, but for some

Mel:

reason there's a magical alchemy happening here,

Kim:

It's those boxer muscles.

Kim:

It has to

Mel:

It might be.

Mel:

It might be.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

So then they like, they hustle upstairs and boy, she . She does a beach

Mel:

He says something like, baby, you've gotta do something.

Mel:

And so she just hits her knees and it's incredible.

Kim:

yeah.

Kim:

No hesitation.

Kim:

Just boom on the ground.

Mel:

Mimi Grace.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

You know what the other thing is?

Mel:

Like, I, I know look good romance authors, I know intellectually

Mel:

know what they're doing.

Mel:

Obviously you're writing it, you're, you're crafting it,

Mel:

you're doing all these things.

Mel:

But this is one of those moments in a book where I'm like, Mimi Grace,

Mel:

not only can I see that you know what you're doing, I see that, you

Mel:

know, you know what you're doing.

Mel:

Like, it's so good because the very last line of her blowjob is, or maybe it's

Mel:

not the last line, but it's in there.

Mel:

It's like, it's like he looks down at her and they make eye contact

Mel:

and she says something like, oh, she loved having him watch her.

Kim:

Yep.

Mel:

golly, just,

Kim:

Getting a little hot in here.

Mel:

it makes me go up in my prim and proper register, you know, it's hot.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And then he says something like, oh, do you want all of me?

Mel:

Is that what you want?

Mel:

You want me, all of me in your mouth?

Mel:

And she's like, Uhhuh.

Mel:

And

Kim:

You did not make the sound of a dick in your mouth.

Kim:

What the fuck?

Mel:

I have to an audio picture for the.

Kim:

Oh I'm crying.

Kim:

Listener was in the back.

Kim:

I, I Right back.

Mel:

Yeah, So then he, he pulls her up and toss her on the bed.

Mel:

He goes down on her, it's fantastic.

Mel:

Then they do a penetration.

Mel:

Wow.

Kim:

And he's just dirty

Mel:

it.

Kim:

her the whole time.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Like it, the whole time.

Mel:

He, he's telling her, doesn't he tell her like, oh yeah.

Mel:

We're, we're like, I'm not going any faster than this.

Mel:

You're, we are gonna, whoa, you're gonna come

Kim:

tease.

Kim:

He, he's gonna work it out of her and I

Mel:

golly.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Wow.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

. So now after that,

Kim:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

the emotionally impactful, the extra cherry on top moment

Mel:

is when they're going to sleep.

Mel:

He realizes that.

Mel:

, unlike with all the rest of his partners he's ever had in his whole

Mel:

life, he doesn't want her to leave.

Kim:

he doesn't,

Mel:

He's, he's really excited about the snuggle

Kim:

it's probably cuz of them donuts,

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

That, that cake, you know?

Kim:

He's gotta stay in it for the sweets.

Kim:

But yeah, then it's, then it's wedding times, right?

Mel:

pretty sure.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

It's wit's wedding times.

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

So they're flirting up at the wedding as usual things are happening.

Kim:

But then she like stops to talk to the bride, just like, you know, have

Kim:

some one-on-one with her cousin.

Kim:

And the cousin is just like, you know, I'm so sorry this happened.

Kim:

We didn't mean it like that.

Kim:

I'd never meant to hurt you.

Kim:

And she's like, oh, that's actually a really cool closer.

Kim:

And then she just, just, she asked her cousin like, so what is it is about him?

Kim:

Like what, what if all the people in the world, what it's about

Kim:

him, and her, don't ever say that to a bride on her wedding day.

Kim:

My God, she has a panic and then just gets up, takes off.

Kim:

And so

Kim:

now this,

Mel:

off

Kim:

fucks off

Kim:

and Greta starts freaking out like, oh my God, I made the pride run away.

Kim:

And

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Kim:

she's like panicking.

Kim:

Full blown around.

Kim:

She's gone.

Kim:

The bride is gone.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Defcon most extreme.

Mel:

Reta says

Kim:

the, is.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Kim:

It was bad news bears.

Kim:

So

Mel:

And then, and then when they go to tell Chris as he's like, he

Mel:

announces there won't be a wedding today or whatever, and then as he's

Mel:

walking out the door, Duncan notices that Reta like reaches for him a

Mel:

tiny bit, but he's too far away.

Mel:

He's just far away enough that she can't make physical contact with

Mel:

him, and so he's like, oh, Snapples,

Mel:

this sucks.

Mel:

She obviously still has feelings for him.

Mel:

It's and Okay, but I, okay.

Mel:

Alright.

Mel:

Speaking okay though we have to, we have to circle back to shitty family real

Mel:

quick because the reason she goes out to see Irene, like who sees the bride

Mel:

before the wedding other than the bridal party, fucking no one, but her

Mel:

mom comes over with this random pair of earrings and is like, oh, please

Mel:

Reta, you're the only person who's appropriate to take these earrings

Mel:

to the bride who's marrying your ex.

Kim:

How is she the appropriate person to deliver those earrings?

Mel:

did her, yeah, yeah.

Mel:

Like did, did the bridesmaids die of botulism in between the morning

Mel:

and now, like what happened?

Kim:

I swear.

Kim:

Right?

Kim:

Her whole family is just out for the drama because why the fuck

Kim:

would you send her in there?

Mel:

I, I mean, there's a, there's a little piece of me who thinks that

Mel:

her mom is just an evil genius though.

Mel:

Because what, like, what would freak you out more than the ex of a person

Mel:

who's been like in love with , your betrothed to be like, why him though?

Mel:

There are 7 billion

Kim:

intentional.

Mel:

on the planet.

Kim:

Yeah,

Mel:

It was, she's an evil fucking genius.

Mel:

She wanted Ah, yeah.

Mel:

I think that's what happened.

Mel:

So anyway.

Mel:

They are, they're like staying at her grandmother's house and her

Mel:

grandmother's a a trip on her own.

Mel:

She's fantastic.

Mel:

And after the, the wedding, they're like planning a pizza party that night

Mel:

because what else are you gonna do?

Mel:

They decide to go back in the morning, but then Reddi gets

Mel:

a random text about an ecla and she's like, oh, look at the thing.

Mel:

My, colleague just came up with.

Mel:

I'll bring you some on Monday.

Mel:

And he, all of his thinkers clench up.

Mel:

He does a big panic and he's like, Monday, oh, we didn't talk.

Mel:

Like in his mind, he's like, we didn't talk about what the future

Mel:

would be and how weird it is.

Mel:

And she clearly still has feelings for Chris, and he just stirs himself into a

Mel:

tizzy to the point that he has to escape.

Kim:

Yeah, he flees

Mel:

He flees.

Mel:

it's Wow.

Kim:

and meanwhile she is having the same thoughts.

Kim:

I was like, oh, we didn't agree what to do on Monday.

Kim:

Like, sure, we're still gonna be friendly, but I guess he hasn't said anything.

Kim:

So it's over times because again, apparently it doesn't matter

Kim:

that you lived a thousand lives in each other's eyes and you've

Kim:

been dicking each other down.

Kim:

Like, what the fuck?

Kim:

You're not fake dating anymore.

Mel:

you're not, you've been real dating for a while now.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

ever since.

Mel:

You know what?

Mel:

You've been fake dating since before the titty window,

Mel:

like

Kim:

you've been fake dating since she mistook you for her date.

Mel:

It's true.

Mel:

Hell . That was so good.

Mel:

Okay, so a lot happens at the end that sort of like weaves a bunch

Mel:

of the subplots together that we haven't spent a ton of time on.

Mel:

So maybe we'll just rapid fire it.

Kim:

yeah.

Mel:

he has his parents' divorce party and a little while ago, Reta

Mel:

suggested that he like write a vent speech in addition to the speech he was

Mel:

actually gonna give just for catharsis.

Mel:

And then he gets up there and he is just pissed off enough at his parents that

Mel:

he pulls out the vent speech and like it was, it was still very respectful.

Mel:

You know Duncan, sir Duncan would never,

Kim:

sir.

Kim:

Dunk would never, he's just a good.

Mel:

that's what I'm saying.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

But it's still enough to be like, I am realizing as I process this out loud

Mel:

right now, that your toxic relationship has made me think that all love has

Mel:

to be tumultuous and toxic and un, you know, unsafe and it has to be

Mel:

this, this horrible thing, but, It might not be, especially if she's like

Mel:

the most creative, smart, talented, funny lady I've ever met and like

Mel:

It's so cute.

Kim:

And you know, what would've saved him from that problem

Mel:

Tell me everything.

Kim:

if he grew up with two therapists, parents,

Mel:

Oh shit.

Kim:

for Steve

Mel:

Just as first Steve.

Mel:

It's true.

Mel:

Cause that's the next thing that happens.

Mel:

She's like, oh, well I don't have a fake boyfriend anymore, so I should

Mel:

probably think about getting a real one.

Mel:

And she calls up poor Steve.

Mel:

But he immediately is just like, so I'm getting vibes that

Mel:

like I have no chance in hell.

Mel:

Would you like to talk about why maybe we can just sit on

Mel:

a bench and talk about why,

Kim:

God, Steve,

Kim:

you just deserve the world.

Mel:

I know.

Mel:

And she's like, are you sure you would like be up for that?

Mel:

And he's like, I've got two therapist parents.

Mel:

So it's really my jam.

Mel:

Oh my God.

Mel:

He's a sta.

Mel:

He's an accountant with two therapist parents, which means that he is

Mel:

stable and emotionally intelligent.

Mel:

Justice for

Mel:

Steve

Kim:

on Steve.

Mel:

honestly,

Kim:

Give him the coochie He deserves.

Kim:

Somebody.

Kim:

Jump on Steve

Mel:

please

Kim:

I need him to be happy.

Mel:

Maybe it's one of the bakers, you know, who knows,

Mel:

like Yes, absolutely.

Mel:

So then he's like, my favorite though is that Mimi keeps

Mel:

it, keeps it really simple.

Mel:

And by the end of this he's like, so have you considered telling him any of this?

Mel:

Just like saying it out loud from your face into his face.

Mel:

, she's like, No,

Mel:

but I

Mel:

should So then he has the same, you know, epiphany.

Mel:

Chris comes to the bakery to be like, I might be setting up book

Mel:

three for a second Chance Romance, that's maybe international.

Mel:

Listen Mimi, whatever you wanna do, I will read it.

Mel:

And then he leaves and then Duncan sees him leaving and he is like,

Mel:

oh, I've got competition now.

Mel:

And because he's an emotionally intelligent knight, I was gonna say King,

Mel:

but you know, he's Sir Duncan, he's, he doesn't say like, oh I'm gonna, you know,

Mel:

fuck him up or I'm gonna blah, blah, blah.

Mel:

He's just like, I've got competition now so I've really gotta step up my game.

Mel:

I'm not gonna give up.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So he goes in there, they're just about to have a conversation about how they

Mel:

both super love each other and then somebody calls and Kim's in labor.

Mel:

So then we have to do.

Kim:

calls,

Mel:

Probably.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Kim:

but also remember she gave up her parking spot and this just happens to

Kim:

be the day that her car gets towed.

Kim:

So who's gonna drive very pregnant Kim and her to the hospital?

Kim:

That's right.

Kim:

It's Sir Duncan because

Mel:

Duncan.

Kim:

to save the day

Mel:

That's what I'm saying.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Mel:

Noble night that he is

Kim:

and listen.

Kim:

Kim is a G because she is in labor, but she sees her friend walk in

Kim:

with Hundy hot man and she goes, oh, you two got back together.

Kim:

That's fantastic.

Kim:

Tell me everything.

Kim:

As she's having contractions and listen, I have never pushed a person out of my

Kim:

being, but I love the fact that she was still all about the tea while that was

Mel:

Absolutely.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And like there's a piece of me, like thinking back on my laborers, there's

Mel:

a piece of me that was like, I needed a distraction for sure at times, but

Mel:

I don't know that I'd be able to go that far outside of like, what the

Mel:

fuck was happening with my body.

Mel:

She's incredible.

Mel:

Kim needs all the best friend gold stars, so they get her to the hospital.

Mel:

It's a boy.

Mel:

Congratulations.

Mel:

And yeah.

Mel:

Ah, somebody tells Duncan that like, don't worry about Retta.

Mel:

Like we'll take her home.

Mel:

And

Kim:

the father of the child.

Mel:

that's the one.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So he does a bit of a sheepish shuffle off the buffalo back to

Mel:

his car.

Mel:

And yeah, he's like, eh, I might talk to her later, I guess But he hears

Mel:

his name and he turns around and she's running out of the hospital and

Mel:

she's like, we didn't finish our talk.

Mel:

And he's like, I know I have to tell you something.

Mel:

And they talk at the same time, and it's so cute,

Kim:

It's so cute.

Mel:

Uhhuh.

Mel:

And then finally he's like, it's been real for me for a while.

Mel:

And she's like, oh, me too.

Mel:

I'm super in love with you,

Kim:

And me with my headphones going, no shit.

Mel:

Yeah, right.

Mel:

Come on, tweeds.

Mel:

You've been, you've been dumbing it up, huh?

Mel:

And now they're together forever is what

Mel:

happens,

Kim:

And book happy endings.

Mel:

The end.

Kim:

Period.

Kim:

The end.

Kim:

And then they went home and had a bunch of orgasms.

Kim:

Probably

Mel:

I mean,

Kim:

they better have

Mel:

He, he absolutely there was, he had to, he had to reference her

Mel:

pretty pussy at least like three times

Mel:

more just in that reunion sex, you know.

Kim:

ah Duncan,

Mel:

Golly Duncan.

Mel:

Really great job.

Mel:

Duncan, huh?

Mel:

Great

Mel:

job, Mimi.

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

great book.

Mel:

Loved it.

Mel:

Loved it.

Mel:

Okay.

Mel:

So, wow.

Mel:

Thank you for choosing this book.

Kim:

Yes.

Mel:

Yeah,

Kim:

it with me.

Kim:

It was fantastic.

Mel:

absolutely.

Mel:

And we have to do, what's the next book we're doing?

Kim:

Sweet vengeance.

Kim:

I already read that one, but, oh man.

Kim:

Now I should warn you and every listener there is, okay,

Kim:

it's basic plot of the book.

Kim:

She's summons a demonn to help her kill a rapist.

Kim:

So there is talk of essay,

Mel:

yeah,

Kim:

but man, is it satisfying.

Kim:

I've never read a book about such like a dark plot to be such a

Kim:

sweet comforting read, like, ugh.

Kim:

It just burred itself into my heart places and it's been such a long

Kim:

time since I've just sank into a book

Mel:

Oh, yeah, yeah,

Kim:

and I did with that one.

Kim:

So Sweet Vengeance is what I wanna recap next.

Mel:

Oh, I'm stoked about it.

Mel:

Is that your lady love, or do you have a different lady love?

Kim:

My lady love is getting an espresso machine because this, this was good shit.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And you got the legit one that has like the foam wand and

Mel:

everything.

Kim:

it has the

Mel:

learning today,

Kim:

I did.

Kim:

Okay, so listener.

Kim:

I set up my espresso machine before this podcast.

Kim:

Really, really was feeding Fen for a cappuccino.

Kim:

Didn't realize I had to point the milk frother in the cup So all my

Kim:

delicious foam milk did end up on my kitchen floor But I figured it out

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

. Mm-hmm.

Mel:

.Mm-hmm.

Mel:

. Mm-hmm.

Kim:

And now I am wired because I did a double shot of

Mel:

Hell yeah.

Mel:

I love that.

Mel:

Okay, so just fyi, I don't know if you know this, and if I'm coffee explaining

Mel:

to you, tell me to shut my face.

Mel:

My mom had, uh, we had like an espresso shop.

Mel:

Like we had an espresso machine at a shop she owned when I was younger.

Mel:

And so I had to learn how to froth milk in the correct ways.

Mel:

And so there's a difference in the way you froth milk between

Mel:

a latte and a cappuccino.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

So lattes are flatter.

Mel:

Um, so you point it, you basically put it all the way down in the

Mel:

bottom of the cup and you barely like move it up and down to froth it.

Mel:

That's a latte.

Mel:

And then cappuccino on the other hand, you barely put at the bottom.

Mel:

Like you might dip it down there and then bring it back up.

Mel:

But to make it really, really frothy and foamy and big, like a, like you

Mel:

want, you have to really like work it.

Mel:

You have to work it.

Mel:

I realized that was a, that was, that was a monster cock HJ

Kim:

That was about it.

Kim:

I don't think I have the option with this one.

Kim:

It's just like a slider that it's like, how much froth do you

Kim:

want?

Kim:

So I put it at all the froth because I

Mel:

Nice.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

Nice.

Mel:

Um, yeah, when Michael got me my Nespresso machine, it changed my whole life.

Mel:

It was the best.

Mel:

He's

Kim:

I remember.

Kim:

He does seem like it, but I remember, I think we were chatting on a

Kim:

different podcast sometime in the past.

Kim:

You mentioned that he got you an espresso machine.

Kim:

I have been thinking about that for, since it happened, and so

Kim:

now I'm just like, you know what?

Kim:

I've got some extra money in getting myself an espresso machine.

Kim:

I deserve fancy

Mel:

You do.

Mel:

You do.

Mel:

And frankly, I'm too cheap to actually go out and get myself fancy coffee every day.

Mel:

But it's so much cheaper once you like, make the investment like Jesus.

Kim:

it's gonna save you in the long run

Mel:

It will.

Mel:

I'm so sorry.

Mel:

Um, my lady love is, um, a dip nail polish.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

I got a kit from an online and it's a dip kit.

Mel:

And so, cuz I, I'm, I, I guess I'm really hard on my hands and

Mel:

even like the gel nail polish will only last me like six hours.

Kim:

Fair?

Mel:

So this stuff is, I think, technically gel, but it also

Mel:

doesn't need a UV because Kim, would you like to know how white I am?

Kim:

How white are you?

Mel:

I am so white that I have been burnt by the UV cooker

Mel:

things for a gel nail polish.

Mel:

It's.

Mel:

Ridiculous.

Mel:

Frankly.

Mel:

Like I got a minor sunburn on my first knuckle because of

Mel:

the curing of the UV light.

Mel:

It's bullshit.

Mel:

Anyway, so because of that, I got this dip kit and it's really cool

Mel:

because like you, you put the nail polish or you put like a liquid on

Mel:

and then you dip it into the powder and then you do that like three times.

Mel:

So it's nice and thick.

Mel:

It's almost like an acrylic, so it's like really fucking hardy and it rules.

Mel:

I'm so into it.

Mel:

It's so easy to do too.

Mel:

It was really nice.

Mel:

So that's my lady love because I can now, I feel like I can now

Mel:

have painted nails whenever I want.

Mel:

Yeah.

Mel:

And it hasn't wrecked my nails either.

Mel:

Yeah, yeah.

Mel:

Because yeah, gel always wrecks my nails and this one hasn't.

Mel:

It's incredible.

Mel:

So yeah, that's my lady love.

Mel:

I'm very excited about it.

Kim:

love.

Mel:

Mm-hmm.

Mel:

All right, Kim, where can I find you?

Kim:

You can find me everywhere under Kimberly Leming, TikTok, Instagram

Kim:

clapper in case TikTok gets banned.

Kim:

All the things.

Kim:

I'm mostly active on TikTok and Instagram and Twitter.

Kim:

I also have a Facebook.

Kim:

I'm not on it much, but yeah,

Mel:

Yeah.

Kim:

is under Kimberly Leming.

Mel:

Nice.

Mel:

And you can find heaving bosoms at heaving bosoms on Instagram at

Mel:

heaving underscore bosoms on Twitter.

Mel:

But I'm not great at Twitter.

Mel:

And uh, Facebook too.

Mel:

I'm also not super great at Facebook.

Mel:

I just try to hang out in the cult.

Mel:

Uh, that's mostly where I am.

Mel:

Yeah, that's the only place I am, frankly.

Mel:

So, yeah, find us there.

Mel:

I'm doing a lot more on the social medias and I, I'm actually very proud of myself.

Mel:

Anyway,

Kim:

You should.

Mel:

So keep being a badass.

Mel:

And love yourself as much as you love a man just fighting for his life,

Kim:

Yeah.

Kim:

Love yourself as much as you love parrots and shirts.

Mel:

Oh no, I think I actually maybe, maybe broke my microphone.

Mel:

I was so loud

Mel:

laughing.

Mel:

.no,

Mel:

I didn't.

Mel:

But it's gonna be, I'm gonna clip hard.

Kim:

Yeah, I, you may have to clip some of my laughs.

Kim:

I have been full belly cackling over here.

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About the Podcast

Heaving Bosoms
A Romance Novel Podcast
Melody Carlisle and Sabrina Bradley love romance and they do it out loud! Every Monday, these long-distance best friends recap romance novels from a comedic, intersectional feminist, sex-positive perspective.
If you're itching for a BFF book club or just love raucous slumber party vibes, this is the show for you! Whether you've read the book or not, all are welcome! Giggling, tangents, and sincere joy abound.
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